Older — Wiser??

You’d think that getting older would make you wiser. However age doesn’t equal wisdom in reality.
Sure, as I’ve gotten older there have been a lot that has been added to my knowledge bank, but that doesn’t mean I actually use that information wisely.  On the contrary, I often make such simple mistakes that when reviewed make me cringe in shame.
Still I believe that to be part of membership in the human race.  I look at others and wonder how they got to be so wise — when I’ve had similar experiences yet still make novice mistakes.
Raising my children for instance — if I had the chance to go back to the beginning there would probably be a few changes I’d make.  But then again that might change the way my children grew, and when I stop and take a good look at what I’ve got now, well perhaps I did get quite a lot right.
My work experiences too could probably be over-scrutinised and my performance picked to pieces as well.  Yes I could have handled some situations much more diplomatically, but diplomacy and me don’t really seem to be partners.
Then there was the period of time when I watched my daughter unravel and simply didn’t have the knowledge or understanding to respond in the ‘right’ way.  Was there really a ‘right’ way, or is that what I’d liked to have had at that time?
Looking back is not always a good idea.  I have conversations in my head that go amazingly well — afterwards.  Somedays I think that if I could just open my mouth a little wider I might be able to fit the other foot in it!
Life doesn’t come with a manual or troubleshooting guide, we just have to muddle along making the best of it from our observations and experiences.  We each have our own sets of ideas for the various areas in our lives such as raising children, work ethics and conducting our daily lives.  Yes we’ve probably gathered ideas and incorporated them into our repertoires along the way, yet that alone is what makes each of us unique.
Imagine how crushingly boring life would be if we all behaved the same way, followed the same guidelines and thought the same way — yuk!!
I must have had some flash of wisdom in me when I  selected my mate of the past forty four years — and they said it would never last!
Still, I am what or who I am and I’ve been shaped by my experiences and circumstances that have helped form the me of today.
Do I need to change that me, or should I be wise and leave well enough alone?
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Disappointment

Disappointment is something we all suffer from at some stage in our life.
I don’t have any facts or figures to back me up, but I would suggest that most of us have experienced disappointment numerous times.  Probably weekly or even daily at times.
Some times it can even occur a few times  in one day.
I was very disappointed on Friday evening to see my football team lose after playing a rather lacklustre game – or at least it seemed that way to me as a supporter.
It can be very disappointing to hear the alarm go off in the morning — do I really have to get up now?  Then there is getting on the scales in the morning — but we won’t go there now!  And thats just the beginning of the day.
Some disappointment can be a fleeting experience, but at other times it can linger on for some time.
I work as a casual in retail sales, and some days it is quite disappointing to reach the end of the day and not have much to show for your efforts.  Other days can be quite the reverse.
Life doesn’t follow any prescribed path, how great would it be if we could plan and know that all would go accordingly.  But then, maybe it would be rather boring, predictable even.
I think we would get rather blasé about life if that were the case.  I’m finding that I rather like the unpredictability or uncertainty of my daily life.
I recently had a significant birthday so my son and daughter-in-law gifted me a several hours of their weekend to revamp my courtyard garden, clearing in preparation for veggie growing.
Now I’m looking at the lovely clearing and mentally planning what veggies I will grow, and deciding where would be the best positions for them.  I will probably head out to the nursery on the weekend in search of plants, which will be duly  planted and watered.  However, realistically I know that some of them will die, despite being cared for according to the instructions.  Then there have been times when I’ve planted stuff, forgotten about it and they’ve grown really well.
So I’m quite resolved to experience more disappointment in relation to my garden.  But, the pleasure of planning, planting, nurturing and observing the growth with the ultimate aim of picking and eating the fruits of my labours will far outweigh any disappointment that I may experience.
At least whilst I’m experiencing the disappointments of life, I know that I’m alive and I’m certainly grateful for that – bring the disappointments on!

The rules of grieving

Theres a beautiful new purple Bearded Iris blooming in our garden.  A fresh splash of colour amongst the greenery.  It has had to fight it’s way through the other plants, but the job is done and it is making a good show on its own.

I’m guessing that there’s a message in that.  It is standing out from the crowd, not afraid to be what it is meant to be.  It didn’t wait for the others before it bloomed, in fact I’m not even sure there are any others to come.

All too often we stop and wait for the others, as we are too fearful of making a stance on our own.  Worried about what people might think about us if we stand up for a cause or something we believe in.  Rather we can stifle that urge, because nobody else is doing what we want to do, or perhaps they are doing it well and we think we couldn’t be as good.  Or maybe it is not the accepted ‘norm’.

Grieving is a little like that.

I recall being asked a few months after Kelly died, if I was ‘over it yet?’  I was so shocked I just stared, couldn’t find an answer.  By the time I was able to get some thoughts together, that person said ‘I suppose that was a silly thing to say!’

Sure was.

I didn’t just lose something of little value, that I could ‘get over’ in a few months.  Some take years to manage everyday life without getting teary at any mention of a lost loved one.  Others seem to cope reasonably in a fairly ‘normal’ fashion after only a few months.  It really doesn’t matter much.  There are no rules around grief, it is whatever and whenever and pertains specifically to you.  Just because I can talk about Kelly without crying anymore — doesn’t mean I’m not on the inside, I’m just getting better at masking my feelings.

So we go about our lives judging ourselves by others standards, when really we need to look to ourselves to set our own.  There aren’t any rules to follow, it’s not like making a cake and following a recipe, particularly when it pertains to grieving.

We each do it in our own way