I’m guessing that most of us have feelings of inadequacy at some stage — or even at many stages of our lives.
For me, it seems to be when I’m in the throes of learning something new and I find it difficult to remember all that I need to. Then I seem to go into overwhelm and from there to inadequacy. After that I beat myself up for not knowing what I deem that I should, and make myself wrong.
I recently decided that I really needed to step up my work on marketing the book, as I’ve not done it the justice it deserves. With the help of a friend who is really savvy with social media, we mapped out a plan. However that involves me doing quite a lot more on my social media than I’ve ever done before — overwhelm plus plus.
Now I’m reasonably competent in posting an occasional post on Facebook or Instagram, but as for getting involved promoting my book — which is also promoting me, I’m feeling more than a little bit inadequate.
I talk to someone younger than me and ask a tentative question and they rattle off how you do something and I get lost. Deer in the headlights lost.
Still, I’m determined to master or at the very least improve on the basic level that I’m currently at, and like any new thing it takes practice.
As I see it, with practice comes confidence, and the more confident you are then there should be much less time spent feeling inadequate.
Well, on paper that’s how it looks.
Take writing a blog for instance, when I first started — and it took me a long time to actually start because I didn’t know what to do— I felt quite anxious about my ability to produce. Now that I’ve been doing it for almost a year, I feel much more comfortable and confident, although I realise that I have much more to learn about it.
Perhaps it’s somewhat like learning to drive a car. At first you can’t imagine being able to change gears, use the clutch, accelerate and actually move the car forward without kangaroo hopping. After many hours of driving, looking back it can be difficult to remember the inadequacies of being a learner driver. I get into my car now and it is all done without thought, I just do it and I’m driving.
So I’m hoping that in a few months I will be at ease with posting book promotions, and I may even get to the stage of doing a live video or two!
I guess it all comes down to my ‘Why’. Why do what I’m doing, making myself feel uncomfortable and inadequate?
Well, it’s because I lost a daughter to suicide and I wrote a book to raise awareness around the subject. To get more and more people involved in the prevention of suicide. I remind myself why I went through the agonies of writing the story when it kept bringing up memories that were so hard to recall. It was to honour the life of a young woman who got hopelessly lost and had so much to contribute to this world.
So I’m setting myself some big tasks over the next few weeks, and hopefully some of those feelings of inadequacy will dissipate or even disappear. Realistically I understand that there will always be something new that will have me feeling inadequate, but I comfort myself with the belief that I am not the only one experiencing it.