Resilience

Many times in our lives we are called on to use our resilience to get us through challenging situations and for most of us the last few weeks have been just that — challenging.  Some of us have found a resilience that we never realised we had — we’ve learnt that within us is a capability to withstand even the most daunting challenges.

Now I’m guessing that most of us didn’t realise that when we were asked to isolate ourselves, that we would remain that way for weeks, months even.  I know I didn’t think it would last this long, and it’s still looking like being a part of our lives for quite some time yet.

So it started off as a bit of a game for me.  Enforced home stay, minimal contact with others and only my phone and computer to connect.  Every day we would turn on the television late morning to check the latest updates on the virus situation.  Sometimes the viewing would extend to another couple of programs, but mostly we only watched the latest press conferences for information.  But after a couple of weeks we didn’t bother.

I called friends and family on a fairly regular basis and had long chats which was great — well I didn’t have anywhere else to go and neither did they.  Looking on the isolation as a bonus the house sorting began.  I worked my way through cupboards and drawers re-organising and setting things aside to chuck or send to the op-shops — when they open again.

I’d been fortunate to visit the library just before they shut down and had a stack of books to read, however with the extra time they didn’t last too long and are still in the bag waiting to be returned when they are accepting returns — hopefully in a week or so I will be able to get rid of that bag too.  In the meantime I’m reading some of those books I just hadn’t gotten around to before.

I found projects half done and have successfully completed a few of those — such a great feeling when I do.  Then I tackled the shed — a mammoth task that is still on-going but looking so much better than before.

We quickly learned to navigate zoom meetings and resumed the weekly coffee catch-up, chatting for the hour or so which made life seem more normal.  But what is normal now?  Will we ever return to the way of life that we knew in February?  How will our lives look once we are permitted to resume the basics such as going to the gym, meeting up for lunch?  Of course many have adjusted to working from home and some will continue to do so, but others will be heading back to the office.  Children returning to schools signals some sort of ‘normality’ returning.

But all of this talk of returning to ‘normal’ has me remembering how life changed forever when Kelly died.   One day all was well — the next it was utter chaos and grief.  Adjustments were made out of necessity and our lives would never be the same again.  But the resilience that must be born in us — came to the forefront and we managed.  Just like with Covid-19 — we learn to develop new habits and ways of operating.   Some of these we will keep, and others — well they probably won’t endure.

What new habits have you acquired during isolation — and which ones will you keep?

#copingsuicide #thoughtleader

Boxes

There are times when I feel that I’ve been categorised into boxes.  That I’m not really identified as who I am, but rather classified as ‘x’ or ‘y’ and not being seen as me.

Sometimes I do it to myself — perhaps because it has become another habit that I’ve been unaware of.  For example:  I am a mother — yes that is established and true — I have three children.  The eldest of these is forty three, the youngest is dead and the middle one is forty one.  So yes I am a mother — but — I am not a mother who ‘mothers’ anymore.  My children are now fully functioning adults who care very well for themselves and are parents too, so there is no need for input from me as a mother anymore.  Yes I fit into the box “Mother” but I don’t operate as such in reality now.

Then there is the ‘pensioner’ box.  Once again it is true that I am, and fit into that box.  But for me when I say the word it conjures up a picture of a little old lady with white hair, perhaps a walking stick and grandma clothes.  That’s not who I am — well at least that’s not how I see myself.  So the label fits, but the description is way off — well I’d like to think so anyway.  I don’t feel like one; I don’t think I act like one and I certainly don’t want to be seen as one like that either.  I’d prefer to think I’m a little bit more progressive than that.

Recently I read a post on Facebook from a women who classified herself as “Menopausal” and because of that she felt certain things were not available to her.  She complained that because she was menopausal that it was harder for her to do certain things — like lose weight.  She is living her life as if that is all she is — or at least that is what I saw when I read the post.  Her life as she sees it has been categorised and boxed as if that is all there is.  Her story reads  ‘Look at poor me – I’m going through menopause and I’m special’.

Now I’m not bashing the woman as I’ve been there myself some time ago and yes it was a rather uncomfortable and difficult time.  But I tried not to let it define me.

So another box I had difficulty with was the ‘Writer’ one.  For a long time I felt that I was being rather presumptuous to say I was a writer.  Then I realised that yes, that is one box I can comfortably say I fit into.  I’ve written a book and I write a weekly blog so therefore writer is a part of who I am.

So where do you categorise yourself?  What boxes are you classifying yourself as being in?  Perhaps it is time to spring clean and chuck out some of those old boxes that just don’t fit anymore.

#copingsuicide  #thoughtleader