Busy

Have you ever met an old friend and in the course of the conversation you are asked what you’ve been doing lately? This has happened to me a few times over the past weeks and I usually answer that I’ve been busy. But then when I stop to think about what I’ve been busy with there isn’t much to say.

So what have I really been doing?

For me keeping busy is a great way to put off things that I know need doing but when I’m not sure exactly what I want to do — I avoid. A coping mechanism that I’ve used for a long time. Sometimes I can make what I’m doing a great reason for not attending to what I should.

I’ve gotten hooked on busyness at the expense of purpose. Sometimes it has been so difficult to get out of my own way and I’ve felt that it was too hard to start something new — that it was easier to keep on doing nothing much. Existing or simply going through the motions.

Much like after Kelly died — there was no excitement or challenge in doing more than I had to. But then last week I was asked a question — what do you really want to do? I didn’t even have to think much about it and answered immediately — I want to write my next book.

When we first went into isolation I was fired with enthusiasm to get my house in order — to tidy up and get rid of the things I no longer needed. And it went well for the first couple of months as I justified that whilst I was at home I might as well tackle some of those pesky tasks I’d been avoiding. Then I just sort of petered out, the well of enthusiasm ran dry and I reverted to the habit of avoidance. I hadn’t even finished working my way through the house.

Now, faced with the option of continuing as I had been or getting enthused about beginning something new and exciting — I chose the latter. I decided enough was enough and knuckled down to a new writing project. It feels great — I’m still getting everything done that needs to be done, but I’m also doing something that I want to do.

I’ve regained my motivation and my purpose.

#copingsuicide #thoughtleader #BlackLivesMatter #Purpose