Face Value

The typical way we greet people is to ask ‘How are you?’. Then we move on to the next question and mostly we don’t truly register the answer to the first one. And even if you’re not feeling well the standard reply is often positive — despite you feeling like shit.

Only if there is something obviously different such as a haircut/ new glasses/ crutches or a moon boot will we genuinely make a deeper enquiry. Is this because we have been raised to be polite and ask that question, or is it simply a habit that we don’t realise we’ve gained?

Often the conversation lately will turn to Covid or lockdown; isolation and the like. We usually want to tell others what we’ve been doing, but not really how we are feeling. For some the isolation or lockdowns have taken a huge toll on mental health. And even though the topic is fairly prevalent in the media, we seem to be at a loss to know what to ask or say if there is doubt about a person’s mental health.

On the other hand a physical illness is something that we understand. If someone has their arm in a cast; is using crutches or a moon boot we then feel okay in asking what happened? Make a joke about it and maybe a few more questions before moving on to other things. Perhaps we are aware that someone has cancer and we genuinely want to know how they are managing.

But mental illness — and it is an illness just like any other ailment diagnosed by a doctor — is just as real. Yes we don’t seem to know what to say or what questions to ask. What help can we offer?

There often seems to be some sort of shame attached — a stigma that society has for mental illness. Yet until we can freely acknowledge that it is just like any other illness there will continue to be issues surrounding it. Often the person will conceal their illness from others and it may not be evident. So unless we are asking how they are and genuinely mean it, we may never know until it is too late. Perhaps we fear making things worse or just feel unqualified to be of help. But you’re unlikely to muck it up if you truly mean well.

Then there are those like Kelly, who obviously have some sort of problem. They do things that are not ‘normal’ and seem to be rather embarrassing at times. But because we have not been socialising very much the subtle signs can be easily missed.

We’ve all had times where we feel down and for me, sometimes I just need to allow it and then I can move on. It is normal to have those times. But when they extend to every day, and nothing you do seems to make any difference, then perhaps some help is needed.

There is an abundance of information on the net; so do some research about it and find out what to say and how to help. In my book I talk about some of the behavioural warning signs that can be a prelude to suicide. I also talk about some of the myths surrounding suicide and there are plenty of those. What to say and what not to say is important and you only need a little bit of knowledge to help someone struggling.

#copingsuicide #blacklivesmatter #alllivesmatter